Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Missing Home...

Tim Kahl, a poet from Sacramento, came into class today. He had very wonderful things to say about poetry - complicated things. I'm still trying to decipher my notes. He has his MFA in poetry and does some great work where he integrates song into poetry, something he terms "imprinting." I got a crash course on systems theory and a little bit of chaos theory (oh, and a little biochem for good measure) and I just sat there in shock - and I thought he was just going to talk about poetry. I also thought, man, I might need an MFA too if I want to understand all this stuff. He tossed out obscure pop culture references like it was slang. In fact, half of the notes I took are just names of authors I've never heard of. But it's kind of fun when professors do that, because then I get to go research it on my own. Brilliant people make two hours of class so much better. And everything he shared truly was intriguing - especially for a total lit lover like myself. I loved his poem titled Sacramento River Days, integrating (or imprinting) a song from Bruce Springsteen (the words in italics). Yes, you can be jealous that I got to hear him perform it. Ken Babstock may have said, "Poetry is a vocal prosthetic for people who can't sing," but hey, if you can sing and perform poetry at the same time that's cool too.

Sacramento River Days

If we utter the names of the creatures we see,
then we will become a cartoon of them,
riding out bikes along the trial by the marina. My two sons and I stop to mock the gulls
in their idiot flocks, taunting them with their
"Mine, Mine" all day long. Aha, there is
Secret Squirrel, skulking across the sweetgum's
branches, then hopping into the trash can
to fashion some futuristic gadget. His brother,
Rocky, flies with his trapeze tail flowing,
escaping the traps of Boris and Natasha.
I see Daffy Duck crossing the parking lot
wisecracking about the weather and
giving us lip about being a road hazard.
One lone egret stands at the water's edge,
elegant as a white plate - no cartoon
to complement it - and we stare at
its slow motion, pretending
the grace it would take us to go

down to the river and into the river we dive
down to the river we ride.

I got a job as a teacher at a college in the community
but lately some classes are cancelled on account of the economy,
so we ride our bikes to the tourist spots,
roll in low gear through the Old Sac streets
and past the boardwalk traffic buzzing by
the windows of the tchotchke shops. We grin at
the homeless guy's dog, sure that it's either
Scooby Doo or Hong Kong Phooey.
It's an afternoon of cartoon classics and
bikers' thunderclaps, Harleys signaling
freedom with every engine revved.
We wander around, the three great scholars
of the three stooges. "Wise guy, eh?" I say,
when one of my sons gives me a flat,
the other one's pockets crammed with
taffy he jacked from Candy Heaven.
The day is perfect and stupid as a dream.
We'll remember it as the day we created
one of the world's great penny-candy thieves.

Now will this memory come back to haunt me
will it haunt me like a curse
Is this dream a lie if it hadn't come true
or is it something worse
that sends us down to the river
and in the river we spy
down in the river is the time of our lives
down to the river
my two sons and I
down to the river we ride

We ride somewhere between a cartoon
and a rock and roll anthem - aimless,
patient, insisting on our place that we
have made in the Sacramento River days,
not far from the confluence.



Love it. I've definitely taken one too many of those taffy candies from Candy Heaven before- in my formative years, of course. This poem is so evocative - make me miss home a lot. I love wandering along the Sacramento River and Old Town. My parents and sister are all together up in Ashland this week, so I can't help but miss the family a bit. Writing papers instead of going to plays is a little bit less fun.

Anyways, Kahl also told us a little about what he does in Sacramento. Apparently, I've been living in Sacramento all my life and there's been this amazing literary mecca hiding in the city called the Sacramento Poetry Center. They have readings and an open mic every week and they've been around since 1979. How did I not hear of this before? They need to have a fan page on Facebook - I feel like that's the only way I find out about everything these days. Kahl also publishes a blog with some of his work.

I should be writing, I should be writing, I should be writing: the mantra of today.
A little something I worked on for class today. I'm no Tim Kahl, but still:

Concerto

I walked along a silent street
with my slicker and a cane.
The shops were closed, I chanced to meet
a cello's nervous strain.

Among the litter and the leaves,
a beat up leather case,
a man who listens and believes
with lines upon his face.

He played his orchestrations
with a solemn, eager brow -
and only beggars, thieves, and I
do live to tell it now.


Coming Up: There's an event going on on campus next week called Enough is Enough - a campaign against societal violence. A film I directed and some poems I've finished are going to be a part of it. You should definitely come check it out. At the University of the Pacific on April 6th, you can see the student art show all day. You can find the full schedule here.

Lots of Love and Support the ARTS!!
Caitlin






Saturday, March 27, 2010

Curing Writer's Block

I hate writer's block. It always hits when I'm stressed. The last week has been quite possibly the worst in a LONG time. I've been trying to write for my poetry class all weekend. I sit down to write something meaningful and thought-provoking and - nothing. So here's my list of 25 things you can do to cure writer's block.

1. Write for five minutes. Time it.
2. Open up a book, pick out a phrase, and turn it into a poem.
3. Listen to a station on Pandora (Fleet Foxes station is a personal favorite).
4. Write a blog.
5. Call your best friend.
6. See a therapist. Just kidding...sorta.
7. Go to a local chapel/cathedral.
8. Read a book.
9. Get rejected. Bruised ego + emotion = material! (Sarcasm).
10. Doodle.
11. Clean your room.
12. Go outside.
13. Get in your car and drive. Bring your notebook and a pen.
14. Find some quiet at the end of the day.
15. Bake something.
16. Make a story based on an article in the paper.
17. Tell yourself you're just writing the intro paragraph.
18. Go to a coffee shop (you knew I would say this).
19. Write a story about someone you love.
20. Write letters to someone you love - every day. Send them, or save them up and give them as a present all at once.
21. Write an autobiography.
22. Make lemonade.
23. Take a run.
24. Fall in love.
25. If all else fails, don't listen to me. What do I know?

Favorite moment of the day: "So I am experiencing the most redneck thing ever right now. I am at the Nascar races and...there is a wedding being performed on the track. It's beautiful." -Chad

Where to shop:
Sparrow on Miracle Mile. If I had a house and a job that paid me better then I would be in retail heaven. I saw them practically give away an end table (adorable!) for $15 today. And a full queen anne dining table/chairs set? 180 bucks. EVERYTHING is cute. You will love it if you love that vintage, shabby-chic vibe.

Where to Eat: Yogurt My Way and Whirlows on Miracle Mile. It's delicious. Sandwiches, Fro-Yo, and locally-owned. Amazing! Endofstory.

Weekend Plans: Finally the sun is here! I missed it - even if sunshine makes me want to quit school and start doing things with my life. Or at least have class outdoors! This weekend I checked out Miracle Mile, which seems to get better and better ever since I've been in Stockton. Next weekend, I'm BBQing with my buddy Chad and hanging out with the family for Easter. If you're still looking for a rad Easter Service, come check out Reality Stockton! Also, I have grand plans to do some baking for easter. Time to crack out the apron. I miss not having a kitchen - I might not be able to cook, but I can bake like nobody's business.

I was just thinking: Texting is overrated. I'm considering canceling my unlimited plan and telling everyone I know to call me instead. Or send me mail. There is something so wonderful about going to my mailbox and having a letter in there. They're usually from my best friend down in LA, so always a happy experience. Plus, believe it or not, I'd rather talk to my mom instead of text her. Getting a call is (almost) just as good as mail. There's something to be said about talking and conversation - it can't be beat. I probably won't actually go through with it and get rid of texting altogether - it is so handy in a boring class - but maybe technology should just take a break every once in a while. After all, old school car phones weren't so bad, were they??
Okay, maybe they were...


Lots of love and letters,
Caitlin

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Monday, March 15, 2010

Real Talk

First of all, I'd like to preface today's post with the fact that I have just had an unusually potent shot of espresso. So much so, in fact, that I'm realizing that maybe my coffee addiction will take a little bit of hiatus. Don't worry, I'm not changing my blog name to "tea leaves" or something - that would be dumb. I am, however, going out with a bang - the drink I had today is called a dirty chai, or a chai bomb, whichever you prefer...chai latte + espresso = magic! This weekend I saw the funniest coffee concept ever: The Michael Jackson. It's a mocha that you can specify pre- or post-thriller. (pre-thriller is dark chocolate, post-thriller is white chocolate, if you catch my drift....too soon??) So I'm pretty high on caffeine and life - which is good - only tomorrow I have class, I'm losing an hour "springing forward," and saving all the fun homework for the morning. It's gonna be fantastic.


On a completely different and uncharacteristically personal note, my life has taken some very drastic and unexpected and providential turns over the last few months. And I'm gonna share (I know, I know...first poetry, and now THIS?!?) Well, it's all Jesus. And I'm pretty sure my messy, irreverent, rebellious heart is being changed every day because of Him. It's blessings pouring out. It's my heart breaking all over the place. It's finding in Jesus not a crutch, but a WHOLE HOSPITAL. It's answers to prayer - tangible PROOF that God is real and working in our messed up world. It's loving people and myself through the hard stuff. It's handing over my future and my dreams. It's doing my homework and not living out a blind faith. It's realizing I just can't have it all together all the time. It's being loved by the perfect lover. It's radical and I know I don't deserve it. The list goes on. In short, my world is being rocked. So here's my hope for you with Easter coming up...find out for yourself what Jesus is all about. Check into it. I'm not talking about religion or church or rule books or even "Christians." I'm talking about the savior and lover of your soul. I know, intense, right?My church is doing a sweet service in downtown Stockton on Easter Sunday. Come! Or, if you know me, get coffee (or tea) with me. You can look up directions to the Easter service at realitystockton.com. And that's my real talk for the day.

Look! Books and Movies and Music aren't all I talk about! Ha! But don't worry, I still have some suggestions for weekending: FRISBEE GOLF. It's the best. And easy. You only need a frisbee and something to throw it at. It's sunny outside and this requires a skill level near zero to have fun. (Higher if you want to win, of course). Do it, son.

Cheesy Romance Novel of the Month Club: You know you want to be a member. How to join? Read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Even the cover art is cheesy!! LOVE IT.


Okay, now I seriously need to get sleep so I can go to rehearsal tomorrow/ace my classes.

Lots of Love,
Caitlin

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I'm a poet, didn't know it...

My poetry class is interesting. And sometimes I even write things that are good! So, I'm going to do that thing that bugs me about bloggers in general and post some of it. BUT...I swear it's not emo, or even necessarily about me, so that's the saving grace.
:]

ghosts at the door

took my white dress
buried it in the ground
where ghosts lie think
pressing around
weeping trees
misty white hands
draggin’ me down
takin’ the livin’
right outta my chest
his last name
all that’s left
a jaw clenching sound




evidence of a naïve don’t-give-a-damn attitude

work yourself up
sharpen your wings
your rhymes have the smack of money
today resembles life
drunk with energy
streams of curses
bleeding and burning with thirst
but blood is strength
that little truth
we practice as innocents
makes us beautiful
ends mourning
sends hell’s eyes into heaven
gilded with bodies of archangels



tuning in

if everyone had a TV
right there in the middle of their chest
where you could see
what they were thinking
in Technicolor
i’d stand all day
watching yours
a window into your soul



the red room
soft like velvet
mean as hot coals
full of whispers
that know your soul
and pierce the ankles
of the gods
no windows, doors
the walls speak in tongues
the floors know your name
hell has no flame




in our own backyard

a series of bloomings 

a series of shootings

the Watering Can Man 

the Prime Minister of the picket fence

quells a lawn protest

met with brute force

and Round-up

the last insurgents 

torturously uprooted

200,000 more are ready to stand

the President 

of the plastic flamingos

turns to
 enriched uranium

gun battles between hose

and dandilion

3,000 troops are ready to retaliate

with a naval excercise

in the fountain

the creepers

bullthistle

yellow foxtail

and wooly cupgrass

bleed white

admitting defeat

and the birds rejoice

picking at the seeds

carnage strewn into

a compost of courage

they take to the air

and only the last tufts of dandilion can be seen
drifting through the air like smoke




give me a million sundays
take me for a sunday drive
through golden sunlight alive, unfurled
as it peeps through the valleys
of the ever approaching dusk
ride through the night
where all we see is the light
flying out the window bright as shooting stars
there's you and me and the back seat
the heat of the day fades
and with it, the weight of the wild life
left behind in clouds of dust
the lusts of this world, the lies, the sadness
are nowhere to be seen
as long as it's just us
on a sunday drive.



Regrets to inform you of
The small stone tablet
Was written with God's very own finger.

Falling around it are the leaves,
The green of the soft earth,
The last rays of a dying day. 


Then the hills alight, on fire.

They are sprinkled with holy tears
In the last of the light.


Cry for the loved
Cry for the unnamed
Cry for the the unknown.


I see the faces of my own

The cost of sleeping and waking up
Hidden in the rows and rows -


Where a century's worth of mistakes

Are found and lost.

Here lies the quintessence of man.


spell check love song

oh…my love for you
is not a qwerty
but a lyustag;8&!!1
unexpectocated
and irriversandescent -
it fills me with the beating
heartynesscopation
and the togetheresque
song of our souls.



Song of the Day: Fleet Foxes!! White Winter Hymnal is fantastic. Also, the pandora station is PERFECT studying-for-midterms music. Plus, they're from Seattle. Basically ups their coolness factor BIG TIME. Also, I'm recently obsessed with this website: http://www.blogotheque.net/Fleet-Foxes,4532. Check out their take away shows!!

Weekend Plans: Disneylanding! And going to Reality LA. Pretty rad church - you should check it out. http://www.realityla.com/
I go to Reality Stockton. I've only been going for a little bit, but totally love it already. Who's excited for spring break? ME.


Lots of Love and Internal Rhyme!
Caitlin